So, where was I?
Owh yes, the episode that scared the hell out of me.
It wasn’t the fact that I was admitted that scared me. Because lets face it, I’ve been admitted to hospitals for more times in the last 8 years, that I could not keep count anymore. Its the part that I wasn’t even exerting myself that I found myself fainting and scaring the hell out of my entire family. And also, I heard of a colleague of mine who collapsed at the office and not being able to be back to his/her normal self, did throw me for a loop. And to make matters worst, even though, I had the most understanding boss, and the most accommodating and helpful team, I couldn’t help thinking of how much of my time that I should be spending at the office, I took to take care of my deteriorating health. Up to a point that I felt it was not fair to my colleagues, and it would be much more beneficial for them to hire someone that could bring better value to the company, in ways that I could not.
So after so much consideration, thinking, days and days of sleepless nights commiseration with the family, I finally took the plunge to step away from being a QS. But, the notice was only for one month, and I was so busy for the past three weeks, it did not hit me that I was leaving till the final week.
I was in the middle of shredding my documents that doubt started to kick in. Did I rush into it? Was I making a big mistake of ending my professional career? What is my plan after this? Will I regret this? All of these questions started to race through my mind like a motorcycle going 100km/ph around and around the highway that has no end.
But, on the very last day, I promised myself that I would just take that day easy, and just go around saying see you later to my colleagues. Some of whom I’ve known for 11 years plus. Some of whom, I consider family. And I admitted to myself, that those were the main reasons why I was unable to leave all those years, these people I call my friends was the hardest to leave behind. But, I convinced myself, that I would still be able to see all of them, I would just have to make the effort, because lets face it, all I have after this, is time.
I also promised myself that I would not cry. I tried very hard to that. But when the HR took my ID card and told me that I could not keep the picture, it hit me right to my gut. That card, I’ve held on to from 2010, because I remembered I asked to change the picture since I’ve started to put on my hijab permanently. I’ve hold on to that card for 10 years. And by them taking it away, and probably throwing it away, made me very very sad. Although, I knew the policy, and why they had to take it, but still, it felt like someone took a piece of me, that I know I’ll never get back.
Even though I was sad, I still have managed not to cry, not until my dear friends surprised me with a farewell cake. I just could not hold back my tears, and it kept falling down until later that night. I know I was loved, and I will miss these people that I will not be able to see everyday. These were the friends that made me laugh, made me happy, and made it easier somehow to go through the days where I had to juggle my health and my workload. But, I am still hopeful, that even I don’t see them everyday, I still have them around with me everyday, in spirit and also the magic of technology.
So that’s how it ends. How I spent my last day a working QS. And even though I would not miss the work, I will definitely miss the interaction, the jokes, the small talk between colleagues and friends. I also would like to take this opportunity to thank all my colleagues and friends for making these 11 years albeit challenging, so so wonderful. Only Allah SWT can ever repay your kindness and your love that you all have shown me.
I just wished that I will not regret decision of mine, ever.