2020

Wow! Can you believe its officially the year 2020 already? Well its been officially 2020, 6 days ago, but who cares eh?

So, I’ve been analysing my life  (is that even a thing? haha) and what I’ve done and what I’ve achieved in the past 10 years. Lets see shall we?

The year 2010, I was just starting my career in the company that I work with now. Now that might alert people in saying that I really am loyal to one company, and it may shock some people. I know, I’m shocked myself. I received my long service award last year, even though I was complaining of resigning and quitting work altogether, for every month that I have served the company. I never felt settled, always wanting to move forward to another place, but here I am, still where I started my career.

It was also the year I started wearing hijab full time. I started wearing my hijab to school when I was in primary, but it was on and off for a while, until my dad said, “kakak, what are you waiting for, commit to it already”. And so I did, tough at first, but now its just part of who I am. Now its a matter of these holes I’m burning through my pockets with all the new designs of hijab that’s for sale. I think I need to get that in control.

Year 2012, I was diagnosed, and it totally impacted my life in a big way. I could say that my life has been in a complete stop, where I refuse to do something new, I shy away from new challenges, I’ve just stopped trying. But, I have to say that for the past two years, I’m proud to say that I’ve been trying to force myself (or rather being pushed) out of my comfort zone. I’ve done a lot of self reflecting, and thinking of what I want to do with my life, while accommodating to the limitations that I possess.

Fast forward to 2019, I’ve accompanied my father on his cycling career, where I do most of the driving around Malaysia, and France (Paris to be exact) and I’ve learned to conquer my fear of trying something new, navigating the route, driving on the wrong side of the road, and taking charge and making decision (while consulting my mother) to make sure that my father crosses the finish line in one piece (alhamdulillah).

In those 10 years, I realised that I’ve started as that girl who couldn’t walk up to a person or pickup the phone to call total strangers. It used to scare the hell out of me, up to a point where I start shaking, and lose my train of thoughts and completely went blank as to why I pickup the phone or approach someone at all. I’ve gained a lot of confidence, maybe after losing some of my weight, (20 kilos) and after gaining a lot of experience in my professional life, I now can carry myself in a conversation with new people. I even talked infront of a crowd last year, a thing I never thought I could do.

Now, the year 2020 has begun, and in my head, I’ve generally lined up a few goals that I hope to achieve.

Be a better Muslim

I’m far from being a perfect Muslim. And I strive to do better this year. I want to finish reading the Quran (read : khatam) this year. For most years, I get so close, but always stopped half way. Me and my hangat2 tahi ayam ways. Procrastination, is what I do best, I must say, and its not something to be proud of. I’m also just going to put it out there that I still have 7 days to replace for my fast, and I have about 3 months to go to finish it. I need to start it next week, no I MUST start next week. (see still procrastinating. haha)

Read More

I’m ashamed to say that for the whole of last year, I just managed to finish a grand total of 1 book. I mean what the hell is that???? I need to do better, or else I’m going to lose  my English if I keep it this way. So, I’m going to finish one book this month and put down a review on the blog. That leaves me only 3 weeks left this month. Owh No! (insert panic emoji here)

Control My Spending

I’m not saying that I’m a shopaholic, but I do do impulse shopping. When I buy something, its usually without thinking about it long (if its not too expensive that is). But even so, multiple purchase of cheap things can amount to a big large sum right? So, I’m actually going to try to write down my spending in a spreadsheet, so that I know where all my money goes to. The economy these days its not good, and I have to try to be vigilant, just in case one day I couldn’t earn anymore. I already do write down my monthly commitments in my spending, its just now I have to expend that list into a more comprehensive one. Its those small spending that you usually couldn’t track. This year, I hope to build my savings. So that by the year 2021, I can have financial freedom. Debtless, that’s the ultimate dream.

Taking better care of myself

I actually did good last year, except for one hospital admission and one fainting episode. I find myself feeling really tired since the fainting episode, and I’m yet to feel fully energetic. I mostly know why. I’ve gained a healthy amount of weight all of a sudden, and I haven’t been able to shed it back to what it was. a full 4 kilos of water retained in my body is not good. I’ll feel breathless, sluggish, heavy and tired all the time. It does not help that the weather is freakishly hot lately and I tend to consume more water than the recommended volume. I was suppose to consume only 1 litre per day, and lately I’ve been butchering it every way I can. The only way to get it under control is drinking less, and taking more of the diuretic drugs. I’ve been trying for the past few days, and I’ve drop 1 kilo so far. That’s a good sign, I just need to keep at it. One more way is to keep a weight log, where I write down my weight everyday so that I know where I am.

Doing something new

I’m not going to commit myself into doing something new every day or every month. Thats just too much pressure I think, and I’ll just end up like Ross on F.R.I.E.N.D.S (leather pants + moisturiser + powder = paste.. haha classic!) For this year, I’m just going to try new things and not be so panicky about it. When something new comes along, I usually, either brush it off and not do it at all, or I start to panic and be frantic, and ranting (mostly at one person) before I actually dip my toe into it. And more often than not, I found myself realising that I can DO it! So this year, I’m going to TRY not to be so anxious and just let things flow.

That’s 5 things right there, and I think that a healthy amount of goals to achieve in one year. I don’t want to scare myself into setting to many goals that I end up not achieving anything at the end. Wish me luck guys!.

What’s your new year / new decade goals or resolution?

AZ.

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